Hard Times Cooking: Thou shalt not keep up with the Joneses !

Keeping up with the Joneses

As unbelievable as it may seem, people still do that.

"Oh, I just experienced the most incredible thingamabog at Mrs. Joneses. She served pureed broccoli and feta in a little glass with a special spoon and napkin, then took that away and served a parfait of shrimp, eggplant and yogurt with cilantro in a different little glass with a different little spoon. It was amazing!" And so on.

People get a grip! 
If Mrs. Jones is hell-bent on lavishing such attention on her guest (and dishwasher) the thing to do is to get invited to Mrs. Jones, not to imitate her!

With the invention of labor-saving devices came, not paradise, but the creation of labor intensive fashions. A one-upsmanship contest of epic silliness.

So admire the Joneses. Pity the Joneses. Love the Jones. Envy (if you must) the Joneses.

But for heaven's sake, do yourself a favor and don't compete with the Joneses!

When you invite them to dinner, as you should and must, serve them a hearty family mean. With flowers and candles and pretty napkins. Perhaps a good bottle of wine. 
But be yourself. And enjoy!

Ten dollars for a great family meal? For four people? With fresh vegetables?

Why, that's less than the cost of 1/2 Happy Meal per person! Or seven cigarettes each! A couple of gallons of gas or about a two mile drive in a Hummer. Or, my personal favorite, one hundred millionth of the 2007 bonus of an AIG executive who drove his company to bankruptcy.
Ten dollars? But how? If only there were some easy commandments to follow...




The Seven and a Half Commandments

One: Thou shalt ignore food fads, food advertising, new food medical findings, and any hint of food political correctness like the spawn of hell !

Two: Thou shalt invest a few bucks to stock your kitchen with basic spices and one amazing device that will change your life forever: the French soup blender (otherwise known as the propeller on a stick).

Three: Thou shalt drink tap water. (unless it's really unsafe in your area)

Four: Thou shalt not keep up with the Joneses or otherwise compete, show off with, or define who you are with food.

Five: Thou shalt honor thy vegetables; including the ones you always hated until now on account of they were overcooked to disgusting, evil smelling mush in your childhood.

Six: Thou shalt not waste. (Seriously. You'll save a lot of money.)

Seven: Thou shalt learn to plan ahead. (ditto!)

Seven and a... Oh, heck, just buy what's fresh and cheap!

Celebrating great cooking in reduced circumstances.

This blog owes its existence to two delightfully contrary inspirations: the image of Scarlette O'Hara shaking a dirty turnip at a menacing sky vowing "never to go hungry again!" and a US newspaper headline proclaiming. "Veggies too expensive! Americans doomed to eat junk!"

Even in hard times, occasionally you just have to laugh.

Some of the best food ever invented has come, not from the fancy kitchens of the rich (obsessed with figuring out how to stuff humming birds into quails into chickens into peacocks into ostriches like a grotesque feathered nesting doll), but from impoverished peasants forced to get creative to feed their families, with, for example, turnips.
Like hardy Australian plants that bloom only after a devastating fire, we Americans tend show our best selves under pressure of adversity. This is true also, we believe, of our food.